Just To Watch You Fade
by In Smithereens
Summary: AU seventh year Dumbledore is not dead, Draco is not a Death Eater , Hermione is hurting and Draco is in love with her... but part of him just wants to self- destruct with her. Dramione. M for self-harm and anorexia, some strong language.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: The story will deal with anorexia, self-harm and abuse but is mainly about the feeling of wanting to be with someone and not being sure if you want to save them, if that makes sense. Review please, they make me squee :) (and I really haven't thought about alot of it- I have whole conversations and chains of events planned but no solid storyline) Thanks  
Update: I edited some of the stuff in this chapter, I've been re-reading it and I'm not all that happy with it. Nothing story-changing, though.  
A not-so-vague Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling, so don't own Harry Potter. This is not done for any profit but the emotional.

Draco watched Hermione during the start of year Feast in the great hall. As Head Boy and Girl they were sat at the ends of their house tables, nearest the staff table. But, although the school had been eating for nearly half an hour, Hermione hadn't let a bite of food pass her lips. She was doing a lot of cutting up her food, gesturing with her fork and taking sips from her goblet of water but she wasn't eating. Her robes seemed to engulf her small frame and if she had been anyone else, she would have immediately been classified as ill and given a talking to, or sent to the hospital wing. But because she was Hermione Granger people seemed to not be able to see it. They couldn't see beyond her long dark blonde hair that she wore swept out of her face and haphazardly brushed so that the tangles in the waves made her look cool, not that she didn't own a brush, and her amazing mind that seemed to excel at all of her subjects and hold ridiculously obscure knowledge that she could recite without sounding pompous. And then there was that face, her brown eyes that seemed to always be moving, showing her thought processes and emotions, and her mouth that always seemed to be turned in an enigmatic smile that told everyone that looked at her that they could never understand her, that she was different to them. She lined her eyes with a thick smudge of black liner and mascara in the manner of a French actress, looking as though she had been up for nights on end thinking about philosophy and poetry and every kind of idea that, if anyone else discussed it would be pretentious but when she did it was engaging and mysterious. She was unlike any other girl at Hogwarts and the girls all knew it. They teased their hair to try and make it resemble hers but they just looked dishevelled, black eyeliner on them looked childish. Draco watched as she continued to not eat, ignoring the other Slytherins. If he was honest with himself, they were ignoring him right back, none of them dared to say it to his face but he knew that he made a lot of enemies the previous year. She looked over at him and he met her gaze and smiled, then turned back to his food, as if he hadn't been watching for her. Merlin, had he been rhapsodising about her for the whole meal? He sounded like a lovesick first- year. He began to cut up his piece of chicken but grimaced at the thought of actually eating it. She seemed to have that effect on him; he was never hungry around her- well, not in that way. It was as if not eating made him closer to her, somehow. He shook his head at that thought. He spent the rest of the meal stealing glances at her, watching her not eat, until they were sent to their new rooms.

Hermione arrived at the Head's rooms before Draco and sat down on the cold stone floor of the corridor, resting her head against the wall behind her. She ignored the looks she was getting from passing students and picked the chipped silver nail polish of her fingernails until he arrived, accompanied by Professor Snape. She stood up when they rounded the corner and brushed off her school robes, though they weren't dirty.

"Miss Granger, it might be an idea, in your role as Head Girl for you to set some kind of an example to the younger years, not sit on the floors of no doubt filthy corridors biting your fingernails." He said, by way of greeting. She smiled sarcastically at that, resisting the urge to stick her tongue out at him.

"Good Evening, Professor." She said, after swallowing down a rather sarcastic answer she had been mentally conjuring.

"Professor Snape had to come and set up the password for us." Draco said, smiling at her. She returned it. Unlike Harry and Ron, she actually liked Draco. They hated him, though giving him a grudging trust for what he had done the summer before last. Ron's exact response to the news that Draco had been made head boy were the immortal words "Slytherin git bribed his way to stealing it off Harry." She smiled at this memory, remembering the first weeks of the summer, when she had stayed with the Weasleys. She had left early, though, pretending that her parents had planned a surprise holiday, because she was exhausted at trying to keep up with disposing of all the food Molly had tried to feed her.

They spent the next few minutes arguing over a password (they finally agreed on the rather ridiculous 'meringue') and engaging in a silent competition over who could annoy Snape the most with their password suggestions. When he left and they were alone they went and sat at the window seat of their shared common room and Hermione bought out a pack of cigarettes.

"You smoke?" Draco asked, shocked, but nodded. "I thought that you'd be all 'they knock years off your life." Hermione laughed motionlessly as she lit two cigarettes at the same time, using her wand as a lighter. She passed one to him and when he put it in his mouth he shivered faintly at the idea that it had been in her mouth.

"I remember reading something, I think that it was by Bret Easton Ellis, and the main character was being told off by his personal trainer for smoking and the trainer said the same thing as you, to which the main character replied "yeah, my sixties"." She said, looking out of the window and taking a drag of her cigarette. "The way the world is now, we're going to be lucky to get to thirty." She smiled, albeit rather sadly, to show that she was okay. He watched her as he smoked, taking in the sharp angles of her elbows and knees, on display beneath her short school-skirt, white shirt and house tie. She had taken off her robes and jumper as soon as Snape had left, rolling her eyes as if the uniform was actually hurting her. In the light, he could see the faint blue line of a vein above on of her eyes and wanted to touch it, to trace it with his fingers. When their cigarettes were finished she hopped down from the window seat (causing her skirt to jolt up) and excused herself, when she went into her room she locked the door, leaving Draco with her pack of cigarettes.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews, they were the second- best thing I read today (sorry, a drarry slash fanfic was the first *drools*) :D This chapter might be trigger-y for self-harmers. So yeah, review with ideas and questions/ complaints. Thanks :)  
Update: I edited some stuff  
A not-so-vague disclaimer: Harry Potter is was created by JK Rowling, not me. That's kinda why I'm writing fanfiction and she's a billionaire (or something like that).

The next morning Hermione woke up at dawn. Well, she didn't wake up so much as stop trying to fall asleep. She changed into a pair of sweatpants and a lace-trimmed vest, tightening them around her hips. She pulled on her trainers and swept her hair back into a matted ponytail. As she left her room she grabbed a bottle of water from the common-room table and plugged her headphones into her ears. Over the summer she had modified her new CD player to play despite the interruption of all electrical signals on Hogwarts grounds (she had also given it an unlimited battery supply, she could never remember to charge it) and she was playing it at every chance she got. She turned it on and left. She spent the next hour running around the almost-deserted Hogwarts grounds, she waved when she passed Hagrid feeding the thestrals (silently wishing that she couldn't see them) and ignored the stares she got from early-rising Professors when she arrived back at the castle.

When she arrived back at the rooms, she went into the bathroom and locked the door. She turned on the shower and removed her sweaty clothes, conscious of the scales on the floor. Before she stepped onto them she assessed her body in the mirror. She was happy enough with her frame, her hipbones stuck out at almost razor-sharp points and her ribs were visible; but she was still working on her upper arms and thighs. She took a deep breath before she stepped on the scales, the steam that was filling up the bathroom making her dizzy. She closed her eyes as the scales shifted and after five seconds she opened them and looked at the dial. It read 94lbs… Her eyebrows knitted as she calculated its value in stone. She wasn't even six stone yet! She bit her lip, trying to stop herself from crying and pulled the hair band out of her ponytail as she stepped into the shower. The water was scorching hot but she didn't want to turn it down, instead she put her full face in the stream, as if the feeling of hot water over her eyes and face would stop her own tears. She let out shallow breaths as she did this, shuddering breaths that normally preceded sobs. She wanted to do something, something to hurt herself, to try and stop herself from losing control. With a shaking hand she picked up the case that held her razor. Nestled in there, beneath all of the spare heads, was a straight razor blade. She took it out, still trembling, and put down the case. She sat on the side of the bath and pulled off the bracelets that covered the veins on her left wrist. Beneath them was an assortment of almost-healed cuts, most creating deep grooves in her flesh. She rested her wrist on her knee and swiped the razorblade across a vein and bone, creating a inch-wide gash. The blood bubbled up and she wiped it away, holding the razorblade to the open wound and slashing again. She sat like this for the next few minutes, she wasn't even in pain anymore- she had the spine-tingling feeling of the knife cutting through the flesh and scraping at the bone but that was all. She was completely calm when she put the blade away and continued her shower.

Draco woke up to Hermione knocking on his bedroom door. She opened the door after a few seconds waiting for him to invite her in. He sat up, immediately, self-conscious that he was only wearing boxers and the covers on the bed lay twisted on the floor. But when he looked at her and saw that she was clad in a white towel, her feet bare and hair damp, he relaxed. She smiled apologetically.

"We have to be in the great hall in fifteen minutes." She said, not bothering to greet him. "We don't have to wear uniforms for this thing, right?"

Draco shook his head and she smiled again.

"You're really not talkative in the morning." She laughed. When he looked in her eyes he saw that they were red, had she been crying? He also noticed that, even when bathing she seemed to wear an assortment of bracelets and cords wrapped around her left wrist. His eyes clouded when he thought about what that might suggest.

"Sorry, I didn't sleep well." He said, his voice hoarse. She smiled and left the room after reminding him again of their appointment.

Ten minutes later Hermione came out of her room. She was wearing a pair of jeans that looked as though they were supposed to be skin-tight, but hung off her thighs. She pulled on a cardigan and accepted the cup of coffee he held out to her.

"Thanks." She smiled. "Ready to shape young minds?" She joked after taking a gulp. He smiled, wishing that he had something more interesting to say to her.

"I guess." Was all he said. She picked up her bag from the sofa and put her wand in her back pocket.

"Remember what Moody used to say about Harry putting his wand in his back pocket?" She grimaced and stuck out her tongue. Off Draco's searching look she said, "Sorry, that phrase got some weird images in my head." She giggled and drained the cup of coffee. She put it down and they left the head's quarters. They walked together through the halls that were almost abandoned because lessons weren't starting until the next day. When they arrived in the Great Hall the first years were gathered, looking around as they waited for Draco and Hermione to arrive. When they entered the room the students all seemed to sit up straighter and Draco noticed a boy that had been sorted into Gryffindor nudging his neighbour and nodding at Hermione. The tables had been moved and the students were gathered in rows facing the main doors to the hall. The heads of houses left after nodding to the head boy and girl.

"Hi," said Hermione, standing in front of the students and smiling. "I'm Hermione Granger and that's Draco Malfoy. We're Head Girl and Boy, so we're in charge of showing you around the castle today, and answering any of your questions." She gave a little wave and nudged Draco.

"So, um, yeah. First we're going to show you around the castle, then the grounds and then we'll break for lunch. Afterwards you'll be able to ask us questions about y'know, life here and that." He said, conscious at how much older he was than them. Hermione giggled and saved him from having to speak any longer.

"So keep close to us and try to remember what we tell you." She said.

They spent the rest of the morning walking around the castle and grounds and telling the first-years stories about each of the rooms and areas. Hermione seemed to be in her element, giggling with the younger students and making fun of Draco. She was strict, though, making sure that they were all keeping up with her and listening to her when she spoke. Seeing her talking to them, and seeing them rapt listening to her, any doubt in his mind (okay, there hadn't ever been one, but if he had to argue with someone about whether Hermione should be head girl, he had a lot more hard evidence) about her suitability for the post was completely gone. He, on the other hand, couldn't even imagine being able to relate to the first years or make them laugh. All he seemed to have done throughout the whole tour was agree with Hermione and endure the whispers of the girls.

When they had shown the first-years to the great hall for lunch and arranged a time and place to meet them in the afternoon Draco and Hermione made their way to the side of the lake, where Harry and Ron were waiting.

"'mione," Harry said, smiling broadly at Hermione. "Did you have fun scaring the firsties?" He nodded at Draco and Draco rolled his eyes before taking out his cigarettes.

"You want one?" He asked Hermione. She nodded and he lit two, in the same manner she had the night before. Ron looked at him with a look of faint disgust when he passed a lit cigarette to her.

"You've had that in your mouth!" He spluttered. His eyes widened as she began to smoke it. "'mione, he's had that in his mouth!"

"And we're what, twelve?" She laughed at him. "He had to put it in his mouth to light it."

"I haven't got any diseases, Ron." Draco said, smirking as he blew smoke into the redhead's face.

"At least not any in his mouth." Harry supplied, helpfully.

"I don't know why you smoke anyway," Ron said, looking at Hermione in a disgruntled manner.

"'cause nicotine's addictive," she smiled. They had obviously had this argument before. "Anyway, my feet are killing me." She changed the subject and slipped off her green satin shoes, which reminded Draco of muggle ballet dancers. Her toenails were painted red and she wriggled them in the grass.

"You're a great role model, y'know that?" Harry laughed looking down at her feet. "Smoking and going around barefoot." She stuck blew smoke into his face.

"Who here wasn't made prefect?" She grinned. "You have no right to tell us prefects how to act… We could stick you in detention."


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: I'm not sure how happy I am with the first half of this but I really wanted to speed along to the second half. Am I characterising Hermione okay?  
While writing this pretty much have been playing "I like Pretending" by IAMX, "Protect Me From What I Want" by Placebo and "School Night" by Ani DiFranco... they really explain the feeling of this fic, if you want to give them a listen :)

At the end of the day Hermione and Draco were sat on the window-seat in their shared common room, chain-smoking. When they had first sat down Hermione had started to tell her a story about a man she had met over the summer but had trailed off, her eyebrows knitting and her eyes turning sad. She looked out of the window, as if she didn't want to look at Draco anymore, her hands shaking slightly as if the nicotine was making her jittery. Or perhaps she was just cold. When they had arrived in the common room she had taken off her cardigan and replaced it with a men's hoodie. It seemed to engulf her and it slipped off her shoulders, almost making her look like a child. He watched her out of the corner of his eyes, whilst pretending to be lost in his thoughts. Her hair was pulled back into a loose bun and her eyeliner was smudged to a grey around her eyes, he itched to take a picture of her, sitting with smoke curling around her face. As he said this, she began to move towards him; to him it felt like it was happening in slow-motion. She placed her cigarette in the ashtray they had placed on the windowsill and did the same to his. She took a shallow breath and kissed him. Without thought he began to kiss her back, pushing her into the corner of the window-seat and tangling his hands in her hair, she stroked the hair on the base of his neck in circular motions, making him shiver. Her lips seemed to be shaking and she tasted like cigarettes and bubble-gum. After a few moments the kisses became more urgent and she pulled her hoodie off, making her t-shirt ride-up. He did the same and immediately her hands had inched up the back of his t-shirt. He began to move his hands up her top but froze. He looked her in the eye. "Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked, feeling like an idiot for asking. She nodded, and he pulled her t-shirt off. His breathing became ragged as they both moved off the window-seat and went into her bedroom, with their hands all over each other and her hands removing his t-shirt. They both almost fell onto the bed and Draco began to place tiny kisses on her neck, following her veins down to her chest. He could feel her heart beating rapidly as she removed her bra.

A few minutes later Hermione felt like she was melting, like she was pretending as she lay bucking her hips into Draco's on her unmade bed. Every pulse-point in her body seemed to be on fire, her heart seemed to be beating in her throat. She dug her nails into his bare back, hard enough to draw blood, needing it to end, she couldn't stay like this, and her body feeling like it would burst. It ended with a mutual shudder of pleasure and she let go of his back. He pushed her matted and sweaty hair out of her face and kissed her, before sliding out of her and lying next to her. They looked at each other, wordless. She couldn't find the words to express how she felt, to verbalize the million or so thoughts careening around her head. Her thoughts overwhelmed her and she needed to get out of the room, to move away from him. She pulled her t-shirt over her head and put on her underwear.

"Where're you going?" Draco asked, looking concerned.

"I can't… I can't do this." She whispered as she all but ran out of the room. She went back to the window seat and pulled her hoodie back on; she lit a cigarette and blew smoke across the room, angry at herself. Draco walked towards her, only wearing his boxers. He sat down next to her and touched her arm. She stiffened immediately and he bought his hand back as if burnt.

"Didn't you want to?" He asked, after searching her face for a moment. She bit her lip and took a drag of her cigarette before responding.

"I just can't…" She started but stopped herself.

"Can't what?"

"I can't do this, not with someone I know. Not with someone I see everyday." She said.

"Why?" He asked, not able to understand.

"I can't get close to somebody… Not somebody in real life. Somebody who cares."

"Why not?" He persisted.

"Because I can't…. Because I can't pretend with you. Because I have to pretend with you. Because I'll never be able to be honest with you, not without you trying to do something about it." Tears welled in her eyes.

"What can't you be honest about?"

"I like pretending… I can pretend I'm a normal girl with strangers." She shook her head and her lip began to shake.

"Hermione, I know." Draco said. She silently screamed inside, how had he found anything out? What was he planning on doing with his knowledge? She resisted the urge to run out of the room and looked up at him, trying to seem innocent.

"Know what?"

"I know about everything. I know that you barely eat, that you were crying in the shower this morning. I know that you hurt yourself." Instinctively she sank away from him, cradling her left wrist. He reached out and took it.

"Don't." She whispered, but he took the wrist into his lap and removed the bracelets from it. She didn't even flinch when one of the cotton bracelets ripped open the newest wound. She wasn't thinking, just shaking as he took them off. Her blood was pumping in her head and tears began to fall out of her eyes as he traced the wounds and scars with his fingers. Wordlessly, he bent down and planted a kiss over the marks. He let go of her wrist and she cradled it once again, still not able to think. He rose and walked over to the couch, picking up his wand he muttered a spell, pointing it at his skin. Immediately there were marks all over his forearms and chest. She breathed in sharply and walked over to him, tracing the deepest marks on his chest.

"My dad did that." He said, looking here in the eyes. "He cruciod me just before he was arrested."

"Why?" She whispered.

"I tried to stop him from doing the same to my mum. She refused to offer me to Voldemort to atone for his betrayals." She knew better than to question him further. She traced over the marks on his arms.

"Those were self-inflicted." He said, sadly. She stepped away to him and retrieved her own wand, repeating the same charm he had she held it over her body, removing her hoodie afterwards.

Draco breathed inwards, sharply. Most of her body seemed to have been marked, her face seeming to be the only place unmarred. She lifted up her t-shirt and he could see more wounds on her ribs and stomach. It seemed that she had used countless methods of hurting herself. He could see burns, cuts and deep bruises on the backs of her hands. He could also see two vertical scars cutting up the veins in each of her wrists.

"You tried to…" He trailed off. She looked down at them sadly.

"Last summer," she started. "I did it at a boyfriend's flat. He found me in the bathroom, unconscious. He called an ambulance and they took me to hospital. After I was stitched up I obliviated him and the doctors and left." She said it in a voice so matter-of-fact that he  
wanted to cry.

"Does anyone," he started.

"Nobody knows." She answered him. He worked up the courage to try to reason with her again.

"You don't need to pretend." He said, holding onto her.

"Yes I do… I like pretending." She said, repeating herself. With her eyes wide and the marks covering her pale skin she looked like a beat-up child. Her bottom lip was sticking out and her make-up was all but rubbed away. He wanted to kill her friends. He wanted to go and get them and show them what she really looked like, what they hadn't noticed she was doing to herself. She seemed to sense what he was thinking.

"It's not their fault." She said sadly. "They've tried to talk to me before, tried to ask me what's wrong when I can't be in the same room as other people. I'm good at pretending."

"But they're supposed to be your best friends." He argued. She changed the subject.

"Do you ever feel like that? Like no matter what you're doing, how much fun you're having, you're holding in tears and sobs. So much that you can't breathe?" She asked. He thought about it for a moment.

"Yes." He answered, trying to keep his voice even. She smiled, looking hopeful.

"And do you long for someone to be touching you, to be next to you, but stiffen every time someone comes close?"

"Yes." Her eyes widened and he was torn between wanting to cry for her and wanting to kiss her. Her lips moved silently before she asked another question.

"How can you stand it?" She said, her eyes wet with tears. "How can you stop yourself from ripping your body apart?"

"I just don't go that far… I can control it." He replied. Could he control it? He couldn't count the number of times he had considered throwing himself off his broom during a Quidditch match, feeling his body get ready to jump. Or times when he felt the need to rip all of his veins apart, stopping himself by clenching his fists so hard that his fingernails left gashes in the palms of his hands.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: I got back into this one, so yeah. This has taken me a ridiculous amount of time because I keep stopping to look up lyrics of songs on my ipod, read fanfiction and stroke my hair, which has been destroyed by bleach but is now blonde, blonde, blonde, and ridiculously soft :) I hope that what I write in this and the stories I tell are realistic, I thought that it logically followed, on both counts. I also wanted to show that Draco wasn't a fluffy bunny, he's just trying to be a better always, review as they make me happy and to give me much-needed ideas.  
A not-so-vague disclaimer: I own nothing, all belongs to JK Rowling and if you want to sue me then I'll dazzle you with my newly blonde hair :D

They went to their bedrooms alone and each got into bed, Hermione pulling a hoodie on and putting up the hood before wrapping herself under the covers and Draco sitting up with the covers only covering his lap and legs, his head resting against the wall while he chewed on his fingernails, unable to sleep. He muttered a charm that enabled him to hear what was happening in Hermione's bedroom. He heard nothing for a while, just the shifting sound of her tossing and turning in bed, and then he heard rustling and the unmistakeable crinkling sound of pills being popped out of a blister pack. He heard her gulp down a drink and then shift in bed, probably lying down again. He heard nothing but her uneven breathing after that. Weren't people supposed to breathe evenly in their sleep? Was she awake and aware that he was listening to him, so trying not to move around? His thoughts swirled around his head until he fell asleep.

When Hermione woke up she had a headache. When she looked around the room seemed to swim around her and she had to steady herself to take out the packet of caffeine tablets she kept in a drawer next to her bed. She swallowed four with water and lit a cigarette as she waited for them to have an effect. She tried to focus on the inhaling and exhaling of smoke, on the swirling smoke around her and the glowing tip of the cigarette; trying to forget about what had happened the night before, what she had told him and how vulnerable she had made herself. When her cigarette was finished she got out of bed, a little unsteady on her feet, and changed into her running clothes, pulling a green hoodie over her head and plugging her headphones into her ears before she left. That morning she seemed to be possessed as she ran, feeling herself almost flying as she tripped over the uneven ground around the castle. She ran so fast that she felt like she might spin out being itself, that she might punch a hole in the air. Every step, every breath that she took spurred her on, telling her to run faster and faster until she went back into the castle, raced to the head's rooms and collapsed on the couch in their common room. She sat there for a while until Draco emerged from his room, dressed in his uniform with his hair in his eyes, still damp from the shower. He looked surprised to be there but poured her a cup of coffee from the pot that the elves made for them each morning and charmed it so that it wouldn't burn her tongue. She took it from him and took a gulp, trying to summon the energy to get up.

"Classes start in ten minutes." He said by way of greeting. She shot up at that, ignoring her already aching limbs and gulped the coffee down before passing it to him and bolting to the bathroom. She took what may have been the quickest shower of her life and barely towelled herself dry before shoving on her clothes, not bothering to do up all of the buttons of her shirt. She smeared concealer on her face and lined her eyes thickly, her hand shaking. She didn't have time to do anything else. Just grabbed her bag and wand and running out of the door, where Draco was waiting for her.

It was ridiculous really. How easily she could make herself look beautiful. Even with her hair matted and unwashed, pushed out of her face. Even when she had had to drug herself to go to sleep at night and had cried the night before. He wondered what she looked like when she tried, when she used the arsenal of beauty products and 'enhancing' clothing that all of the other girls seemed to rely on. They walked to class together and she seemed to be lost in thought, her lips almost pursed and her usually smooth forehead slightly knitted. He itched to talk about the night before, he had hoped to discuss it that morning but, instead of finding her ready for class and strangely awake, he had found her slumped on the couch in a daze, with sports clothes on. It seemed that she had been exercising that morning and had lost all energy. He had thought about talking to her about it but decided against it, giving her a cup of coffee instead. As they walked through the school he tried to keep a neutral expression, trying not to be his old self- the thing that his father had created, had made twisted, something that everyone feared, and someone that everyone knew had nothing to lose. It was strange, everyone in his year knew that he had rejected his father, had refused to work for Voldemort, but it seemed like everyone still saw him as a Slytherin, as the head of the Slytherins. Everyone except the Slytherins, who looked at him with thinly veiled contempt, all staying away from him, seeing him as a traitor. A blood- traitor, that's what his father called him. Blaise had stood by him, but was more interested in chasing girls and playing Quiddich. Draco smiled at that thought, nothing seemed to faze Blaise. They reached their class (DADA) without any conversations, or walking into walls, which seemed a possibility as they were both deep in thought. When they walked through the door of the classroom every student seemed to stare at them. For a moment he wondered if they knew what they had done the night before, how he felt about Hermione, but shook that off. He glowered at them; they lived together, for Merlin's sake! Of course they'd walk around at the same time. Hermione touched his arm and smiled before sitting at the free desk next to Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. He looked around, deciding where to sit.

"Aren't you going to sit down?" Hermione asked, smiling. He stared at her and then her friends, who were obviously trying their best to be tolerant towards him. He took a deep breath before he sat down, greeting the Gryfindoors curtly, trying his hardest not to be sarcastic or insulting. This was hard, given that Ron kept shooting him suspicious looks.

Hermione half ran to the head's quarters at the end of her final class. When she reached the portrait hole she breathlessly said the password and made her way into the room. She went into the bathroom and removed her clothes and jewellery, even the tiny gold hoops in her ears. She then stepped on the scale, closed her eyes and counted to five. When she looked down her throat seemed to constrict. 96. How had she put on two pounds in the last day? She knew that it was irrational, knew that weight fluctuated and she was supposed to weigh herself at the same time each day but those truths did nothing to calm her. Shaking, she put on her underwear and carried her school uniform into her bedroom, so focused on what she had to do she didn't stop to close the door. She pulled a pair of jeans and a t-shirt on and sat down on her bed. She reached for the framed picture of her, Harry and Ron that was on her bedside table. Picking up her wand she said the passwords that would unlock it. She then unscrewed the side of the frame, wedging her fingernails under the tiny gap to open it. From inside she bought out a razor blade. She then sat up on the bed, resting against the pillows as she cradled her left wrist in her hand, removing the bracelets and smoothing the pinched flesh. Breathing deeply she bought the razor to her wrist and cut vertically, less than a centimetre away from where her real scar lay, hidden. She watched as the blood bubbled up and flowed down and calmly wiped it away. She cut the same spot again and again, wiping more and more blood away each time. After a while she became dizzy and was no longer able to feel any pain, having to make the cut longer to feel anything other than the sensation of metal on her tendons, veins and bones, a sensation that sent shivers down her spine and filled her with unease, like the opposite of a scratching pain. When she was finished she healed the cut up and scourgified her wrist and jeans, on which blood had fallen. She strengthened the glamour on her skin and put her bracelets back on. She was completely calm when she put away the razorblade and smoothed her clothes. She pulled on a hoodie and put her wand in her jeans pocket. Leaving the room she went into the common room, where Draco was seated, flicking through a book.

Draco knew that Hermione had cut herself. He could tell by how pale her face was and how she gingerly moved her left arm, as if she was afraid that it would bleed. He could also see it in her eyes, she was oddly calm but they were shining with adrenaline. She sat next to him and lit a cigarette, he followed suit before he spoke.

"What happened?" He asked, trying to keep his voice even. She looked up at him innocently and frowned.

"What do you mean?" His fists clenched, did she really think that she could play dumb with him?

"Why did you hurt yourself today?" She kept frowning and took a drag of her cigarette as if she was choosing her words carefully.

"I had to." She said after a few minutes. When he didn't speak she continued. "I needed to… hurt myself. To see it."

"To see what?" He asked, she was silent for a while before she bit her lip and spoke.

"That I was changing. That I could change. That I could control it, that I could do it. I needed to do something to my body to prove that it was my body. That I was in control of it, that I had power over it."

"What happened? Why did you need to do that?"

"I gained two pounds." She laughed at herself, as if fully aware of how ridiculous she sounded. "I gained two stupid pounds and I hated myself. Two fucking pounds made me insane." Her cigarette was finished and Draco lit her another one. He moved closer to her and looked into her eyes.

"What made you like this? Who made you like this?"

She laughed "No one. Nothing. I've always been like this."

"Tell me about it." He asked.

"You know how witches and wizards can't control their powers as children? Because they haven't been trained, because, in the case of muggle-borns, they don't know what their powers mean, what's happening to them? Well, when I was little the other children saw that I was weird, they called me a witch, which to them is a bad thing, is an insult. Because when I was little if I was really happy or annoyed or sad things around me would break. Windows would smash, pipes would burst, and computers would crash. Any time I had a strong emotion something would break. And the other children would notice that, that if they picked on me, if they teased me things would break. So I didn't have any friends. The teachers just told my parents that I had been bullied and I moved to another school, where I tried not to feel, tried to stop myself. I was only eight and all I was focused on was staying in control. And I realised something, if I was physically hurt, if I was angry and fell of my bike or something, nothing would break. So whenever I was sad, whenever I felt like I was going to burst I would hurt myself. Stupid things like banging my arms on things, stubbing my toes. I did this right up until I started Hogwarts and then stopped, because it didn't seem to be happening, now that I new magic. But then I had to go home for the summer and I wasn't able to do magic, and it all returned. So I hurt myself to stop it, but it was like everything I did wasn't enough, that I needed to do more and more to get calm again. And I enjoyed it. I liked making myself bleed; I liked reeling as I burned. I liked having hidden scars."

"And you've been doing it ever since?" Draco asked, speaking for the first time in a while. She nodded and seemed to be thinking about leaving. Draco grabbed her hand and held it, looking straight at her. "What about eating? I need you to tell me."

Hermione was silent for a few moments, it seemed that talking about her eating habits was much harder for her.

"You're expected to eat so much here, you get a home-made meal three times a day. But we don't have PE, the only sport is Quiddich. I went home after my first year and I was getting fat. And I didn't want to be fat so I did the whole healthy eating thing and cycled a lot. But when we started back at Hogwarts I didn't have a bike. And there was too much food around me for me to be able to stick to a diet. So I just skipped breakfast and lunch. So I'd only eat at dinner. And I tried to do sit-ups in my room. And I lost weight. But after a while it stopped working, and I had to diet again. So I cut stuff out. Like I wouldn't have certain foods, or I would only have even numbers of things. Later I decided to make the rule that in a day I would only be allowed four things, except water. I was allowed four servings of anything I wanted, but that was it for the day. And it just went on and on like that, through the years. I eat enough to live. Or I get enough nutrients to survive." She said this in a matter-of-fact tone that made Draco angry.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: Sorry for not updating for a while, I'm all mentally blocked on all my fanfics. So, this chapter is rather short and I didn't really plan it- just let it come as I wrote. Does Hermione's old boyfriend sound realistic? I seriously hadn't thought about her exes so this might be a bit of a stretch. I'm fast- forwarding, next chapter- I can't go through the whole of september!  
Song of the chapter- Hollywood by The Cranberries  
A not-so-vague Disclaimer: I own nothing, JK Rowling created the canon, I just warped it alot.

He wanted to make it better. He wanted to hold her and tell her that it was all going to be ok, that they were going to get through it together. But a small part of him didn't. He wanted to show her his scars and see all of hers. He wanted to swap stories and glamours. This part of him made him feel sick, but he had to say something.

"I hurt myself too." He said, without emotion. Her eyebrows knitted.

"I thought your father…" She started and he shook his head.

"My father started it. My father did the big stuff. He still would, if he wasn't locked away. But most of it's me. "She opened her mouth as if to speak but shut it again, as if she thought better of it. He then told her why he did it, what he did, how he hid it. She seemed almost relieved when he spoke to her as if, like him, she felt less alone. But then he asked her a question.

"Why did you try to…?" He asked, uncomfortable about asking it but feeling as though he had to know. She bit her lip and thought for a few moments before she replied.

"I don't know." She started, her eyebrows knitted. "I can't remember what I was feeling that night… I know that I had planned it, I know exactly what happened but I don't remember my feelings. I don't know what I was thinking. I just know that I had to do it." She smiled weakly. "I guess I didn't want to die, because if I had then I wouldn't have done it at his place, even though he'd been asleep. I must've known that there was a chance that I was going to survive, that he'd find me."

"Do you want to now?" He asked.

"I don't think so… But I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know if something will set me off again." She answered.

"Just don't think about it." He grabbed her hand, feeling as if she was falling away from him. "I couldn't…" She smiled, but didn't respond. Her lips looked slightly plump, as if she was about to pout. He couldn't stop looking at them and she looked away from him.

"I can't… I can't do that." She said. For a moment he wanted to argue, wanted to remind her that they had done it before, that it didn't have to mean anything; but stopped himself. He shouldn't think that. He didn't want to think like that. He didn't want to be like his family in their belief that people were objects, were prizes. That sex was only a way of gaining power. That he somehow deserved everything, just because of who he was. Instead he smiled.

"Whatever you want, Hermione." He frowned. "Can I call you something shorter?" She smiled.

"Harry and Ron call me 'Mione."

"'Mione," he tried it out, but frowned. The name didn't fit her. "How about Maya?"

"I like that name." She smiled again. "Draco doesn't really shorten." She stated. They sat in silence for a moment before she spoke again. "Do you want something to drink?" She asked.

"I've got some firewhiskey in my room." He offered. She smiled and he went to get it. When he arrived back into the common room she was sat on the far corner of the couch, her legs crossed, yoga style. She had pulled her hair back into a loose bun and she was smoking another cigarette, an ashtray perched next to her. When he sat down next to her she lit him a cigarette and took the bottle. She opened it and took a big swig, without grimacing. She then passed the bottle to him and he followed suit, they sat doing this for a while before Hermione spoke.

"I like how it's our second day back and we're already so bored we're drinking alone in the common room." She joked.

"There's a back-to-school thing for the sixth and seventh years in the Slytherin common  
room tonight." He offered. "But watching Blaise hit on randoms doesn't really hold my attention like it used to."

"When you were Slytherin's most eligible bachelor?" She joked. "Renowned for your artistic looks and your arrogance… Which most girls seemed weirdly attracted to."

"You weren't exactly the shy Hufflepuff." He smiled. "Exactly how many people did you go out with last year?"

"A few people. Not many." She protested.

"I can think of more than ten people just offhand." He argued.

"Yeah right."

"I can! There was Blaise, of course- he insisted on giving me all of the details; Terry Boot- I remember seeing you holding hands with him in Ancient Runes; Justin Finch- Fletchley; That Weasley boy…Ron's older brother."

"How did you know about Charlie?" She asked, interrupting him.

"I heard Weasley talking about it. Saying something about setting a bludger on him if he hurt you, even if he was his brother. It was all very gallant, really." He smiled.

"I hadn't thought about Charlie for a while… Wow. That was the longest relationship I've ever been in, probably because we were long-distance for most of it." She smiled.

"Because you were at school?" He asked. She nodded.

"And he was in Romania for most of the time. We only got together because he was over here working for the order, and then they sent him back out."

"When did you get together?" He asked.

"Summer after fifth year. I was staying at the Burrow (that's Ron's house), and he had been called back home by the order. And I had met him before and I had a slight crush on him. I don't know, we just liked each other. It was easy. He was a Weasley- I felt like I knew him so well just from hearing Ron and Ginny talking about him. He was fun, y'know? He works with dragons and he's covered in burns from them and he just laughs in the face of danger. He's the only one in his family with the guts to laugh at Voldemort, to joke about it. Even the twins didn't do that- they couldn't say his name without shuddering. His mother was happy, I was already close to the family because of Ron but she just welcomed me, only bringing up the age difference once at the start. We dated for the whole of the summer, and then I went back to school and he went back to Romania. So we wrote and at Christmas saw each other again. But it was different. I wanted out of the relationship. So we broke up." She finished and took another gulp of the bottle- their third bottle. He frowned; he could tell that she was still a little bit in love with him. She saw him looking and shook her head. "I'm not in love with him, if that's what you're thinking… I just wished it could be like that summer. That I could be like that with people."

"You don't think you could with me?" He had to ask.

"Maybe. Can we just go slowly? Pretend like last night didn't happen… Try not to get sucked into all of the amateur dramatics that seem to come into relationships?" He smiled.

"Of course." He replied. "Would it be going too far if I kissed you?"

She smiled and leaned in to kiss him and he once again tasted the mixture of bubblegum lipbalm and cigarettes, mixed with the new taste of firewhiskey.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: Sorry I haven't updated in a while… To cut a long story short I was in hospital for a few days which led to me ordered back into therapy (which just means I have to sit in a room either lying through my teeth or making sarcastic comments). So I'm trying to stay away from all the pro-ana stuff, so I don't get caught again. So yeah, the tone of the story might have changed a bit.  
A not-so-vague Disclaimer: I own nothing

Hermione exhaled a plume of smoke up at the ceiling and stretched. Draco came into the room, his hair still damp from the shower and she smiled.

"Ready to see my world?" She swung her legs over the side of the bed and picked up her coat from the chair next to her bed. After taking a cursory look around the room she grabbed her handbag and his arm. They apparated into an alley in a muggle area of London and Hermione pulled her coat up and buttoned it up to the top. She looked around at their surroundings before setting off towards a restaurant. Draco raised his eyebrows but followed her, he was used to her strange behaviour. When they arrived inside the restaurant she led him towards a table full of muggle girls.

"Remember, no wizard-talk" she whispered in his ear before they sat down. He nodded.

"This is Draco," she introduced him to her friends. They went around the table giving their names and looking him up and down.

"You could be less obvious about it." Hermione laughed, taking off her coat and lighting a cigarette.

"Hey, you bring a boy home from boarding school we're entitled to scrutinize him." The brunette who had introduced herself as Amy grinned. A waitress came over and Draco saw each girl's eyes widen as they were given menus. When none of them started to read them the waitress came back.

"Can I just get a diet coke?" Hermione asked. "And a glass of mineral water." The girls all asked for the same thing and Draco realized something. They were all like Hermione… All ridiculously thin and obviously scared of eating. Well, that was fucking wonderful… He had to coax her to eat as it was. He realized that the waitress was looking at him and he ordered a beer, noting that each girl gave him a strange look.

"So, you're head boy and girl… That sounds like fun." One girl said as they all sipped their drinks. All the girls laughed and Hermione stuck out her tongue.

"It's not funny." Hermione protested.

"Yes it is, putting Hermione in charge of something… I actually feel sorry for the other students." The girl shot back grinning.

"Just because I like to go out…" Hermione started.

"With a different boy every week." Amy finished for her.

"And drink enough to sedate a small elephant." Another girl put in.

"I do not!" Hermione laughed.

"Do you remember the eighteen shots debacle at your birthday party in August?"

"And I was fine, and I'd been doing skittle shots before."

"That's the point, that would have killed another girl, boy or mammal."

"But not Hermione," Amy addressed Draco. "She's a well-seasoned drinker."

"You make me sound like some kind of sailor."

"Why didn't you invite you to your birthday party?" Draco mock-pouted at Hermione, trying to fit in with her friends.

"I didn't invite anyone from school, not even Harry and Ron." She frowned.

"Why?"

"Because it would mentally scar them… and most likely physically scar them too." She stuck out her tongue.

"How come we've never met any of your school friends?" A blonde girl asked.

"Because I secretly hate you all." Hermione deadpanned. "I have to see then everyday at school, I never get to see you lot." She stuck her tongue out. "Not to be ridiculously sentimental."

" So, where are you applying?" One of the girls asked, Draco had given up trying to remember their names.

"Applying?" He asked. Hermione shot him a look.

"Nowhere, I refuse to do another three years of school." She said. The girls all nodded appreciatively.

"Lucky, St Claire's practically hog-tied us to make sure we were filling out our UCAS stuff."

"That's what you get for staying at home." Hermione smiled.

"And you?" Amy asked. All the girls turned to look at Draco.

"I'm doing the same thing as Hermione. I'm just looking forward to moving out." The girls all murmured their agreements.

When the meal, if you could call watching a group of girls drink diet coke and water whilst getting rather drunk yourself a meal, the girls all hugged and made their way out into the street.

"You're coming to my new year's party, right?" A blonde asked Hermione and Draco.

"Wouldn't miss it." Hermione smiled.

"A new year's party?" Draco asked Hermione as they walked towards the alley to apparate home. She pulled up the hood of her coat and smiled.

"I told you I was going to show you my world," she said before apparating. He shook his head and raised his eyebrows before following her.

"I hate you," Hermione scowled, looking at Draco sitting on her bed with his boot-clad feet on her white duvet. She had been flinging items of clothing out of her wardrobe while she puffed on a cigarette. This was something he had noticed during the time he'd been staying at her house. When it came to seeing her muggle friends she was ridiculously critical of her appearance. He looked her up and down and smiled. She was in her underwear with a pair of lace tights covering her colt-like legs.

"I don't hate you." He said mock-leering. She proceeded to throw a leather jacket at him.

"You don't even have to try, but I have to spend hours looking at clothes."

"We could stay in…" She rolled her eyes.

"Ha, just because you don't like my friends."

"I like your friends," he protested. "But I like you more."

"No, you don't like being around muggles." She threw a dress at him and he braced himself for an argument, but it didn't happen. "Wait, throw that back." He threw it to her and she looked at it for a moment before putting it on.

"How do I look?" He looked her up and down. The dress was grey and looked more like a slip than anything a girl would wear to a party. He smiled.

"You look great. Can we go now?" He asked. She smiled and put on a pair of boots and, leaving the laces undone, pulled on her jacket.

"Fine." She said after taking a cursory glance at the mirror and rolling her eyes at her own reflection.


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: In about four chapters, this story will probably be finished and I've planned two endings- one happy and one sad. So it's completely up to you, the reader (and, I hope, the reviewer)... Or I might just make it pick-your-own-ending and post both end chapters at the same time. Review to tell me what to do!

The party was… loud. Something he wasn't used to, as all of his friends used silencing charms to hold private conversations. The music was so loud that he could almost see the floor pulsing and he could hear snatches of everyone's conversations. But before he could say anything Hermione had shed her coat and was holding out a bottle she had hidden in the inner pocket. As she poured her and Draco drinks her friend Amy walked over, clutching a bottle of whiskey by its neck and puffing on a cigarette.

"Bitch, you bought your cute boyfriend." The girl accused, laughing. Hermione pulled the cigarette out of her friend's mouth and stuck out her tongue before taking a drag. "We can't have _any _fun with him around!"

"Fun?" Draco smirked; Hermione squirmed and took a swig of her drink.

"We can't play games…" The girl pouted. "You put hoes before bros, Hermione." Draco let out a rather non-Slytherin snort.

"Hoes before bros? And I'm the ho?" He asked conscious of his weak grasp on muggle slang.

"Yup, she just abandons us when something pretty comes along. Like a bloody magpie." Amy said mock- bitter.

"Amy, let's not scare him." Hermione said, sounding as though she wanted to hit her friend. But Draco couldn't resist.

"So this happens a lot?" He pressed.

"A lot? Please, whenever she comes home from school she has a new boyfriend so we never get to see her… At least until she gets bored."

"If you're going to talk about me, I'm going to be elsewhere." Hermione said, walking away with a packet of cigarettes in one hand and the vodka bottle in another.

"Stupid Slytherins," Hermione muttered as she walked out into the garden. Her aim was to drink and chain-smoke alone until someone caught her interest, but she noticed someone sitting alone at one of the patio- tables.

"Hermione?" His familiar voice called out. For a moment, she thought about apparating away but decided to face him.

"Patrick." She smiled, sitting down opposite him. He raked his hands through his dark hair and blinked a couple of times as if he couldn't believe she was sitting in front of him.

"You never called." Was what he finally said. Hermione's eyes widened, had she performed the spell properly? Was he supposed to have expected her call? "I just woke up one day and you were gone." She exhaled, the spell had worked, he didn't remember.

"Sorry, life-stuff came up." She said, wanting to sound non-committal.

"Life stuff? And you couldn't call me, or leave a note?" She took a swig of the vodka and lit a cigarette. He exhaled loudly. "You haven't changed." He said sadly.

"What do you mean?" She asked, shivering slightly, wishing that she had thought to bring her coat. He noticed and took off the hoodie he was wearing and passed it to her. Without thinking, she slipped it on and put up the hood. He smiled.

"Everything… The little-kid movements and posture, the chain smoking, the fact that you're so thin you look like a breeze would snap you in half… Everything about you."

"I take it that's a bad thing." She smiled and took a drag of her cigarette.

"I guess I just hoped you'd gone to sort yourself out." He said, taking a swig out of her bottle of vodka and making a face. "God I hate the first few gulps of vodka… It makes you wonder why the hell you're drinking the stuff." She giggled; despite herself she had missed him. "I'm guessing from the look on your face that you've missed me." He seemed to read her mind. She rolled her eyes.

"Oh yeah, you're all I think about, Trick. Y'know, some days I just re-live our conversations, I'm that bored!" She said sarcastically.

"Ah, you're still using sarcasm as a crutch." He joked. "I'll note that down in my special Hermione diary."

"What else will you note down?" She joked, aware that he was flirting with her.

"Hmm," as he mock-thought his eyes glittered. "That you're too good for appropriate outerwear for one. And you're not wearing anything on your lips. And you didn't brush your hair today, as usual."

"You noticed?" She touched her hair, mock self-conscious. "Do I have a small animal stuck in there, because it wouldn't be the first time?" She joked, combing through her hair with her fingers. He reached out to touch her hair and their fingers touched. Hermione jerked her hand down.

"I have a boyfriend." She said, feeling as though she was making Draco up. "He's inside."

"Wow, Hermione in a monogamous relationship? Never thought I'd see the day." He smiled to show his feelings weren't hurt.

"I'm going back inside," She said, taking off his hoodie and passing it to him. "Thanks for the hoodie and the company."

"No problem," He smiled and leaned back in his seat. She turned away and walked back towards the house. As she walked through the back door he shouted after her.

"What does new boy have going for him, just so I know for next time?" Hermione smiled before she answered.

"He knows my last name."

Draco was sitting in a circle on the living room carpet when he saw Hermione re-enter. He scooted over to make room for her and called her name. She looked at him, her face troubled but sat next to him; he noticed that her bottle of vodka was half empty but said nothing.

"God, you aren't actually playing spin the bottle, are you?" She asked.

"No, we're playing I Never, 'Mione." Amy grinned. "And I'm going first." She paused in a rather dramatic fashion, while keeping her eyes on Hermione and Draco frowned. She had the same look in her eyes that Pansy got when she would insult Hufflepuff girls. She took a deep breath before speaking. "I never ditched a boy the day after I'd promised to follow his band around instead of going back to school." Eyebrows knitted around the circle and Draco turned to look at Hermione. She shot Amy a strange look before taking a swig.

"I never had sex in a toilet cubicle." Said Hermione. People around the circle took swigs, but before anyone could say anything Amy spoke again.

"I never came home for the summer only to find out my parents had gone away without telling me." Draco frowned? What had Hermione done to anger her friend? Before he could say anything Hermione took a swig of her drink, not taking her eyes off Amy.

"Ooh, so I guess it's my go now?" Hermione said in a tone that Draco had never heard her use. "I never begged a boy to get back together with me." Eyes widened around the circle and all the girls got strangely predatory looks in their eyes. "And I especially never did it on my knees." She smiled and raised her eyebrows at her friend, who took a swig of her drink. Apparently Hermione's friends were as honest as they were bitchy.

"Do you really want to do this?" Amy whispered to Hermione. Hermione raised her bottle in a salute as a reply. "Fine." She muttered. "I never tried to kill myself." Hermione gasped and everyone in the circle, even the girls, looked uncomfortable. Hermione looked ready to get out her wand and use an unforgivable, so Draco quickly grabbed her elbow and yanked her off the floor, half dragging her to the door.

They walked up the road and apparated to Hermione's in silence. When they arrived in her bedroom Hermione took off her coat and lit a cigarette with shaking hands before lying down on the bed.

"What was that about?" Draco asked. Hermione frowned at him and pulled a jumper on over her dress before answering him, her cigarette coming dangerously close to her clothing.

"Teenage girl stuff. Not very interesting… Just amateur dramatics" She said, yawning. "Do you want to go out somewhere? It's still early."

"Nah, I'm all muggled-out. But we could watch something on the television." He said, pronouncing the word carefully. Hermione giggled.

"Ok, but I get to choose the channel." She said, standing up and turning on the television that faced her bed. She took the remote control and lay back against the pillows of her bed. Draco followed suit and pulled the blankets over them, ignoring the fact that they were still wearing their boots. Hermione sighed and moved next to him so her head was resting on his shoulder before she selected a television channel.

"Heathers is on." She smiled up at him. "This'll explain all the teenage stuff to you." Draco smiled and half-closed his eyes.


	8. Chapter 8

Author's note: You can thank TFL for the quick update- I wrote a whole chapter before my train arrived. So, I'm going to put up two endings- one happy and one sad, so people get to choose- or read them both and decide which one they like better. The sign of a crappy author- the inability to choose an ending! But we have about three chapters to go until then (So this should be finished by Xmas!), so on with the story.

Hermione woke up the next morning with her head nestled in the crook of Draco's neck, her hand clasped in his. She looked over at his sleeping face and smiled, trying not to disturb his sleep. His eyes were moving under their lids and his mouth was turned down in a frown, instinctively she untangled her hand out of his grip (the strange vice-like grip he seemed able to maintain even when sleeping) and traced the lines of his face with her fingertips, causing him to smile in his sleep. When she moved away from him to take off her boots he stirred.

"Granger?" He said as she got out of bed. He started to sit up and open his eyes.

"Go back to sleep, I'm just going running." She whispered, not wanting to fully wake him up. He frowned as though he was going to argue with her but instead closed his eyes and lay back down, obviously deciding against an early morning argument.

"Take your wand." He mumbled as she slipped off her dress.

As she ran through the deserted suburban streets that surrounded her parent's home (she didn't see it as her home, hadn't since she had first left for Hogwarts), she ran through the previous night's events; grimacing when she thought about Amy's random bitchiness and her brief flirtation with Patrick. She had invited Draco back to her childhood home to keep their minds of real life, but it seemed she couldn't escape it, couldn't act like a normal girlfriend. She grimaced again when she thought about their impending journey back to school, when she would have to see her friends. No, that wasn't fair, Harry and Ron had been nothing but nice to her, it wasn't their fault that she wasn't honest with them, that she couldn't be honest with anyone but their former enemy. Was Draco their former enemy? They had been more venomous in relation to him than when talking about the Death Eaters. Huh, it wasn't like a morning run to get some perspective on the past. Or at least that was what she had been doing when she turned the corner to her parent's road.

Harry and Ron were walking up the road towards her house, holding brightly wrapped packages, followed by Lupin. When they saw her, their faces broke into grins.

"'Mione!" Ron shouted. "We've come to save you from muggle boredom." Harry elbowed him in the ribs.

"Ix-nay on the uggle-may." He said, confusing Ron. Hermione replaced her look of nauseous shock with a surprised grin and jogged over to them.

"Why didn't you owl me?" She asked, giving them each a hug, even a rather startled-looking Lupin.

"Haven't they been feeding you at school?" He asked. "Because Molly will blow her top if she sees you looking like that."

"She's just stressed because she's spent the whole holiday locked up revising." Ron assured him.

"Yeah." Hermione agreed. Lupin gave her a searching look before turning to the boys.

"I'll be here at ten to take you home." He said. "And remember what Moody said- even though this is a muggle area-"

"Constant vigilance." They finished for him, grinning.

"As if anyone could take us with 'Mione here." Ron assured him. Lupin smiled before walking away, shaking his head.

"So, what are we doing today?" Harry asked as they walked to the door and paused while Hermione fished out her key.

"I'm just going to get changed and then we can go out, I'll show you a wonderful display of muggle consumerism- January sales." She said, silently praying that Draco was still in bed.

"Can we see your room first?" Ron asked as she opened the door and led them into the living room. She bit her lip before she spoke.

"It's a complete mess; I'm not going to subject you to it." She lied, grinning. "You can watch the TV while I get changed, though." She turned the set on and gestured for them to sit down, hoping that it would distract them. It worked, Ron was gripped by the action and Harry sat down next to him.

"I'll try and talk him out of opening up the box." He grinned at her. She breathed deeply as she started up the stairs, but froze when Draco called out.

"D'you know where I put my hair stuff?"

"Crap." She muttered. Harry and Ron came rushing out to their staircase, their wands raised.

"Do you have someone here?" Ron asked, well 'accused' would be a better way to describe what he said. Excuses ran through her head but all was lost when Draco appeared at the top of the stars, clad in a towel.

"Malfoy?" Harry all but shouted.

"Shit." Was Draco's muttered reply.

"What's he doing here?" Ron asked, once again sounding very accusatory.

"Um," was Hermione's very succinct response. "He's staying here."

"Why?" Harry and Ron asked in unison. Draco and Hermione shared a wide- eyed 'Oh shit' look.

"I'm going to get dressed so you lot can talk." He said, walking back up into her bedroom, muttering about the etiquette of owling people before you show up on their doorstep. Hermione led Harry and Ron back into the living room, still chewing on her lip.

"Okay," she started when they sat down. "Let's all put our wands away." They looked at her in disbelief but lowered their wands.

"You're sleeping with him!" Harry said, shocked. Hermione rolled her eyes; he really was laughably slow on the uptake. "You're sleeping with Malfoy!" As dense as Ron could be, it seemed he had already figured that out.

"'Mione, I know you're still down about Charlie but Malfoy?" He asked, incredulous.

"This has nothing to do with your bloody brother, Ron." She said, after trying to do some deep- breathing exercises to calm herself down. "Despite what the rest of your family may think, I broke up with him. I wasn't they victim there." She stopped when she realised she wasn't really helping her case.

"They why did you sleep with him?" Harry asked, nodding upwards.

"He hasn't hexed you, has he?" Ron asked. "Because I'll hex his balls up if he has." He picked up his wand.

"No he hasn't!" Hermione said. "Am I not allowed to like people?"

"But he's Malfoy." Ron said, as if that was a valid argument.

"And you lied to us about it." Harry supplied. Ron nodded in agreement.

"When exactly did you ask me? Because I seem to have forgotten that conversation."

"Not telling us is just as bad as lying." Harry said. Hermione gave up.

"Okay, I'll tell you now. I'm sleeping with Draco, have been since September."

"Way to be subtle, Maya." Draco laughed as he walked through the door. His hair was haphazardly wavy and sticking up in what seemed like a thousand directions, she sniggered, he obviously hadn't found his hair stuff.

"Did you hex her, Malfoy?"Ron asked, his wand raised. Draco laughed out loud at the idea.

"And risk the wrath of Granger?" He asked. "I'm on your side, idiot." Ron didn't lower his wand and Hermione moved close enough to Draco to elbow him in the ribs.

"The whole 'idiot' thing really isn't helpful." She advised, trying not to laugh.

"So, as we're all up to date with Hermione's love life- and I know, it can be hard to keep track at times, do you need anything?" Draco asked. "Because we would invite you in for breakfast but Hermione's neglected to buy any food. Cigarettes and alcohol, yes. Food, no." Harry and Ron held out their long-forgotten gifts.

"We bought her Christmas presents."

"Wonderful," Draco smiled, taking the gifts from them and passing them to Hermione, who acciod theirs from her bedroom.

"So I'm going to take a shower, try not to kill each other whilst I'm gone. Or if you do, try not to spill any blood, my mum's obsessive about her cream carpets."She grinned, leaving the three very uncomfortable boys alone.

When she arrived back downstairs after showering, dressing and smearing on some make-up she couldn't help but giggle. Harry and Ron were sitting at the opposite side of the room to Draco and were shooting their dirtiest looks at him, while he watched the TV, oblivious. When he spoke, she realized that he was only pretending to be oblivious.

"I think they're trying to do wandless on me." He joked. "Lucky thing is, they don't seem to be very good at it." Harry and Ron shared dark looks.

"You aren't expecting us to be friends, are you?" Ron asked her, the expression on his face glum.

"Oh the pain!" Draco retorted, clutching his chest. "Their words hurt, Granger. All I've ever wanted is to be friends with them."

"Funny, Draco, very funny." Hermione stuck out her tongue. "But I think yours is a lost cause. We could try getting them very drunk, but it's before midday." He seemed to consider it.

"We could go out, start drinking at noon."

"Cool, I'll get my coat." She smiled. Ron and Harry shared another look, but shook their heads in unison.

"Fun." Harry said, sarcastic but resigned to the idea.


	9. Chapter 9

Author's Note: Marvel at the rapid updates, people! How I love the last week of term, and the last few chapters of a story… However, this is probably going to be the happiest the story gets before the end (that is, if you choose the cookie-cutter 'happy ending'- which I've already written, and quite want to turn into a series in itself… Watch this space.), so be warned, sadness is go in the next chapter. Other than that, keep reviewing, because it's really nice to wake up to them. (Okay, to check my email in the middle of the night to read them).

The journey back to Hogwarts was tense, to say the least. In the day Harry and Ron had spent with them, they hadn't become any more used to the idea of Hermione and Draco together. So, when they boarded the train, Draco had decided to sit with his Slytherin friends, so Hermione could talk to them alone. But they hadn't really spoken. They had all expressed their stress about going back to Hogwarts and studying for their impending N.E., and Harry had finally told Hermione why he and Ginny had broken up, but they hadn't mentioned Draco at all. Which was strange, given how outspoken they usually were. Ginny had poked her head around the door at the beginning of the journey to roll her eyes at Hermione and announce that she had been aware of their relationship from September, but had soon left, sticking her tongue out in Harry's direction as she left. This had made Hermione let out a short gasp of laughter- how she envied Ginny's infallible ability to bounce back… It was one of the things she had liked about Charlie as well, the fact that nothing seemed to faze him, he would just crack a joke and move on. Was this the Weasleys' common defence mechanism? To just crack jokes until you can't remember why you were unhappy to begin with? God, it was healthier than hers.

"What're you thinking?" Harry asked, snapping her out of her thoughts. She bit her lip, not wanting to go into too much detail.

"Oh, the in-fazeability of Weasleys… That is, Weasleys that aren't Ron." She said and frowned. "God, that sentence structure was terrible, wasn't it?" Harry chuckled.

"We've got two down, that leaves Bill, the twins and Ron…" He joked. "I think you'll have to do them, though… Well not 'do' them." He stopped when Ron gave him a strange look. "Yes Ron, 'Mione and I have a tendency to babble when things get tense."

"I wonder why it's tense." Ron asked with a sour look on his face. Hermione's brows knitted.

"Are you going to get used to this before exams start? Because it's probably going to detract from your revision." The strange thing was, he didn't seem at all annoyed at Harry for dumping his little sister, just Hermione for, as he put it, 'Sleeping with the enemy'.

"It's Malfoy, Hermione." He said, as if that validated his argument.

"How many times do I have to point out that he's on our side?"

"He'll get over it, or we'll find Malfoy's- sorry, Draco's, body somewhere." Harry said, remembering to use Draco's first name. Hermione smiled at him, Harry, at least, understood that she couldn't control who she liked. Loved? She shook the thought out of her head; she didn't even want to think about that. Because Harry understood the importance of having someone to care about when they were in such a terrible situation, one so dire that the train was half-empty because parents were refusing to let their students go back to school. It sounded terrible, but it was probably due to his parents, the fact that he'd lost them so early and had only been saved by their love. God, there was that word again, love. It seemed, in this fight at least, that that was all they had on their side.

Draco was not thinking about love, in fact, he was trying very hard to not think about anything, to keep his mind calm so he wouldn't be forced to hit his best friend. Blaze had spent the journey listing the girls he planned to 'hook up' with before their time at Hogwarts ended. And, of course, Hermione was on that list. He thought about telling Blaze about their relationship, in a 'hands off' sort of manner, but he didn't have the energy to start that conversation. The problem with Hermione was the lack of food and sleep one was forced to have when around her. He couldn't wait for the start of term feast.

"D'you think she'll come to my party?" Blaze asked, snapping Draco out of his gluttonous thoughts.

"Who, Hermione?" He asked, the boy nodded. "Probably… Can't see why not." He said, trying to sound nonchalant. To his dismay, Blaze rubbed his hands together.

"Excellent." He all but crowed. It was at that moment that Draco became aware that he would have to tell his friend.

"Um, Blaze. I don't think she'll be 'hooking up' with you in the near future." He started. Blaze looked crestfallen.

"Why? Does she have a boyfriend? It's not Potter, is it?"

"No, it's not Potter, it's, uh, me." He said, astounded at his own lack of confidence when telling his friend a rather important detail about his life. Merlin, going out with Hermione had changed him.

"You?" Blaze was shocked and Draco had to resist the urge to hit him, it was rather insulting that the usually un-fazeable Blaze Zabini was shocked at the fact that a girl liked his best friend. "After the whole 'mudblood' and bodily violence thing?"

"People can change, Blaze." He said, in fact, he had wondered the same thing himself, he had been terrible to Hermione when they were younger.

"Explains why you've lost so much weight." Draco looked at him in shock and Blaze smiled. "Haven't you noticed? Every guy she's gone out with has come out of the relationship malnourished and an insomniac… Well, except me." Shit, he hadn't thought about the fact that Blaze had actually been Hermione's boyfriend for a while… He had tried to blank it out of his mind.

"Because you've never changed for a girl?"

"Nah, it's not worth it." Draco had to laugh at that.

"See, this is me holding your hand in the Great Hall." Draco smiled at Hermione as they left the feast a few hours later. She pulled a face.

"Corny…" She sang as they ignored the people looking at them strangely. "God, you'd think they'd have better things to marvel at than two people holding hands." She rolled her eyes. "Ah, your godfather is staring at you; I think we've caused his brain to implode." She laughed, nodding over at the shocked professor.

"Nice, something for him to tell my mother about."

"If you don't get a howler tomorrow morning, I've severely underestimated your mum." She joked.

"In all seriousness, she'll probably be glad I've actually got a girlfriend. Might stop her giving me weird lectures about marriage and procreation and continuing the family line."

"So I should be expecting a ring any day now?"

"'course, or an invitation to the manor for 'tea' after exams."

"Fun, I'll have to remember to get my pearls out of the vault." She joked… Draco actually knew for a fact that she did have pearls, and a vault, one of the perks of having successful parents. She had tried to explain to him what they did for a living but he couldn't get past the whole idea of dentists, let alone cosmetic surgery. He shuddered a little thinking about the 'operations' she had told him about.

"Are you thinking about surgical procedures again?" She asked, reading his mind. "Because having you faint isn't something I want tonight."

"I did not faint!" He protested, "I just got a bit dizzy." He mumbled the second part of the sentence.

"How did you get into Slytherin? You're the most squeamish person I've met."

"Come on, let's inhale some carcinogens and try to start our Runes homework." He changed the subject and pulled her through the crowds.

"I'm bored." Hermione moaned as she watched Draco do his Ancient Runes homework, she smirked at the knowledge that she was still more intelligent than him, even if their test scores were identical… She had finished her homework fifteen minutes ago. She exhaled smoke in his face when he didn't respond to her proclamation.

"Do you want me to fail my N.E.?" She grinned at his tense tone. And grinned some more at the alliteration of tense and tone.

"I wouldn't mind it…"

"Merlin, you're like a five year old when you're bored. Why don't you go to the library?" He asked.

"Can't concentrate on books today." He scowled and she could tell that he was silently ranting about exactly why she couldn't concentrate.

"Then why don't you go and see your friends?" He asked. She thought about it for a moment and decided to go to the Gryffindor common room.

"Don't wait up, I might sleep there." She said, before she put her packet of cigarettes in the pocket of her jeans and left.


	10. Chapter 10

Author's Note: I was going to start a happy new series but had major writer's block so wrote this instead… It's short but I'm pretty happy with it. Warning: It gets rather trigger-y and graphic so if you're worried about that, you might want to skip this one (the story will soon make sense)

Hermione had one thing on her mind as she walked through the empty castle after leaving the Gryffindor common room, eating. Eating something, anything. Eating until she threw up. She tried to shake those thoughts out of her head; she had to have more self control than that. After the years of effort she had put in. She bit her lip, effort? Was she still trying to lie to herself, that what she was doing was noble, was a challenge? That she was on some kind of hunger strike? She was lost in these thoughts until she realized where she had ended up in the castle. The kitchens. Before she could turn around, a magnetic force inside of her propelled her into the kitchens, tickling the portrait without thinking. Without being able to stop herself. Like a zombie, she accepted the house elves' offers of food, taking as much as she could carry and half-running back into her rooms.

She went into the bathroom and cast a quick muffilato charm before sitting on the floor, her head resting against the cold marble of the sink. Then she went crazy, grabbing handfuls of food and shoving them in her mouth, barely bothering to chew and putting a new mouthful in before she had a chance to breathe. It didn't matter what she was eating, she could barely taste it, just feel the sensation of her stomach becoming full and silent tears flowing down her face. When she had eaten everything she had, she leant over to the toilet, barely able to move and whispered a silent prayer before making herself throw up, even though she had never believed in a god. Her eyes were streaming freely now, and mingling with the snot coming out of her nose before dripping into the mess. Her stomach ached as it convulsed with every heave. She had to rest her head against the wall every few seconds, she ached all over. She threw up over and over again; taking sips of water so she could throw up more, cleanse herself of everything. She knew it was stupid, that it didn't even work, that she would still get most of the calories, no matter how soon she purged, but she had to do it. More as a punishment than as anything practical. Of course, she wasn't thinking about this as she did it, the only thing she could think about when she was hurting herself was the pain itself.

Because of this, she didn't notice that she had lost concentration on her charm and Draco had heard her. She jumped when she felt his hand grip her shoulder.

"Here," Draco passed her a fresh glass of water and she smiled. After taking a sip, she flushed the toilet and stood up, wiping her mouth before brushing her teeth. She watched him watch her in the mirror as she tried to get the taste out of her mouth. And tried to think of something to say to him, anything that would make him forget about what he had seen.

"Bad night?" He asked when she was finished. She looked him in the eyes and tried to ascertain how angry he was with her, whether they were going to fight.

"I guess." Her tentative tone seemed to anger him and he looked ready to say something, or to break the glass of water he held. But he just shook his head.

"Not a good coping mechanism, Granger."

"I know… I'm going to bed. We have classes in the morning." She said, walking away from him, not wanting to touch him when she was in this state. "Night." He just stood there; he had obviously expected a conversation.

"Night." He called after her.

Draco cast his own silencing charm when he was sure she had gone to bed and wasn't coming back to talk to him. He then proceeded to punch a few tiles of the bathroom wall. It was a stupid display of his frustration, something that would make his father proud, but it did make him feel better. For the few seconds before he started to feel the cuts on his knuckles, that is. Why couldn't she talk to him? Why did he have to wait for the few times in the month where she was willing to open up to him, rather than give uncommittal smiles? He could tell she was getting worse; that her hair was thinning and her skin was almost translucent, with dark bruises where her bones jutted out. Her skin looked so thin… as if her bones were going to pierce it. And he didn't know what to do. Nobody seemed to notice it because of her glamours, and how could he get someone to believe him? Who would trust his word over Hermione's? It sickened him, but he wished she would collapse, just so she would be seen by healers, so that she would be caught. Was he even helping her? He had given up on asking her to eat, had learnt to ignore her early morning runs. She had become more distant the more they had got to know each other, joking with him, but not quite holding a conversation. Had she stopped making an effort with him, could it be that it was more a facet of her personality than a symptom of some great sadness? He hoped it was, but knew it wasn't, that she acted like this around everyone. Only straining herself when she had to. Only trying when she felt threatened by someone's attention. Merlin, couldn't he just want to have sex with her and not care about her mind? Couldn't he turn back into his old self? It certainly was less painful.


	11. Chapter 11

It was Friday before Hermione seemed to break out of her mono-syllabic mood. As they got ready for Blaise's party she was happier, almost chipper while she chose an outfit and chain-smoked. Draco smiled watching her as she almost burnt a hole in her dress as she tried to put it on without putting down her cigarette.

"Hate you." She stuck out her tongue when her dress was on. "You don't even have to think before you get dressed." She leant over her mirror as she applied her eye make-up.

"You don't need to think either, you just think you do." She rolled her eyes.

"Shameless flattery." She jumped as a new song came on the wireless and half-ran over to turn it up.

"Have you figured out what you're going to do for your Runes project?" He asked. For their N.E.W.T exam they had to choose a text and translate it either into or out of runes. He had chosen the easier option of translating out.

"Shakespeare, I think. I want to translate Othello into runes." He raised his eyebrows; she always gave herself more work than was necessary.

"Muggle texts? Ambitious."

"But fun." She smiled and he shook his head.

"You have a weird idea of fun."

"If you haven't read Shakespeare, you have no right to pass judgement." She was standing at the mirror again and running her hands through her hair, frowning at her reflection. "Stupid roots." She scowled as she tried to hide where her light brown hair had grown in. "Why did I let them dye it?"

"Because their hair would probably fall out with another application of dye." He said, remembering one of her rants.

"Bitchy, nice."

"Slytherin," He said, as if that would justify it.

"But not a teenage girl, so not really justified." She smiled, almost reading his mind.

"Are you ready yet?" She scowled at him but nodded.

"Let's go." She stubbed out her cigarette and put on a jacket.

"Finally," He said as he followed her out of the door.

As much as he wanted to be able to say that the party was different to the muggle one, it really wasn't. It was just quieter. Hermione was getting some strange (and some openly hostile) looks from the Slytherins and kept giving Draco reassuringly funny looks, most of them being of the rolled-eyes and stuck out tongue variety. Draco himself was getting similar looks, but he was used to them.

"You came!" Blaise all but shouted as he walked over to them with a half-empty fire whiskey bottle in one hand. "Granger, looking as beautiful as ever." He clumsily bent over to kiss her hand, almost getting burnt in the face by her cigarette in the process.

"How much have you had to drink?" She asked, laughing. Draco frowned at how familiar she was with him. He knew that they'd been together, but she was usually a lot more reserved with other people. By that, of course, Draco meant people other than him.

"Not much, a bottle and a bit." She raised her eyebrows.

"You're slipping, Zabini, usually you'd have lured a girl up to your dorm by now."

"Ah, but I had to be down here to see you. And your boyfriend." He raised his eyebrows at the last word. "If it hadn't been for me, I wouldn't think much of your taste." He joked. "If he hurts you, let me know and I'll hex his balls off."

"I'm supposed to be your friend, Blaise!" Draco said, indignant.

"There are no friends in war and pretty girls, Draco." He replied before walking away.

"D'you think there's any blood in his alcohol system?" Hermione asked as they watched him talk to someone else.

"What?"

"Muggle joke, sorry." She grabbed a bottle from a nearby table. "Drink?"

"If I shudder and decline will you think less of me?" He said, remembering how he had felt the last time he drank vodka. He distinctly remembered vomiting in his bed while Blaise laughed at him.

"Yes." She opened the bottle and took a swig before passing it to him. "We're eighteen, we have a responsibility to get shit-faced and embarrass ourselves." He raised his eyebrows and drank.

"'Shit-faced'… I'm not sure if the head girl should use such language." She giggled and led him over to where Blaise was standing.

Hermione woke up with the distinct sensation of chewing on a rodent in her mouth. She grimaced and opened her eyes. When she saw her surroundings she breathed in sharply. Draco was sitting in a chair next to her bed and she shook him awake.

"What happened?" She asked. He didn't speak for a moment and she got the feeling he was choosing his words carefully.

"You drank too much, so we had to take you to the hospital wing." Her eyes widened and she pulled off the covers to check her arms. The glamour was gone and her scars were bright on her skin.

"Shit." She muttered. On the table next to her was a half-empty potion bottle. She opened it and sniffed. It stank of fenugreek. Weight-gain supplement. "Shit." She repeated.

"It's going to be okay." He said, trying to calm her down. She sat up and pulled off the covers before looking for her shoes. He saw what she was looking for and shook his head.

"She took them and put up wards around here, you can't run away."

"You let her… You let her lock me up."

"We knew you would run."

"Well yeah, most people do try and run when they're being held against their will." She sat down and he reached over to push her hair out of her face.

"It'll help, 'Mione." He said quietly. The rational side of her brain told her that he was right, but the louder and more convincing side of her brain was screaming for freedom. She wanted to shout, to throw something, to beg him to sneak her out, but she knew him too well, knew that he wouldn't help her. Instead, she lay back down on the bed and turned away from him.

"Go back to the Dorm, Draco." He didn't speak for a moment.

"It'll be okay." He said. "Tell them if you want me to come back." It was only when he was gone that she realised that she wanted him there, even though she was angry at him.

She spent the rest of the day refusing to talk to anyone, not even Dumbledore when he came in to talk to her about her move to a muggle hospital. Apparently they couldn't 'treat' her at Hogwarts, and felt that she'd be better in London where her parents could be with her. She secretly grinned at this when he left; it'd be easy to get out of a muggle hospital, just a couple of hexes. But then she realized that as well as taking her shoes, Madame Pomfrey had confiscated her wand. She would have to come up with a wand-liberation plan. When the healer came in to give her a potion she scowled up at her.

"I want a cigarette." She said, sipping the potion to show willing. She wasn't an idiot, she knew that they could use magic to get it into her if they wanted.

"A cigarette?" The healer seemed shocked. Hermione rolled her eyes.

"A cigarette… I want to smoke, y'know, inhale carcinogens and nicotine." She said slowly, aware at how hostile she sounded.

"It's not good for you." Hermione tried her best not to snort.

"I'm over sixteen, it's legal." Madame Pomfrey gave up and cast some charms to keep the smoke in the room and passed Hermione her coat. She grinned and rooted through the pockets before coming up with an almost full pack of cigarettes and a battered lighter. The healer confiscated that and sat next to Hermione as she smoked. What did she think she was about to do? Burn herself? Hermione almost giggled when she realized her mistake, of course she did. Harry and Ron appeared at the door and Madame Pomfrey ushered them in, obviously glad that she could count on them to watch Hermione so she could leave the smoke-filled room.

"'Mione, what did you do?" Ron asked, sitting down next to her while Harry sat on her bed. She stuck out her tongue.

"Draco told us today, well more attacked us. Apparently we're bad friends." Harry said, staring at her arms. Because of the heating charm in the hospital wing, she was wearing short sleeves. It wasn't like she had anything to hide anymore.

"Is this because of Charlie? Because I'll hex his bloody balls off if it is."

"For the last time, I broke up with him, Ron." Hermione shook her head.

"When are you going to the muggle hospital?" Harry asked, ignoring Ron. Off her confused look he said "Dumbledore told me, he wanted to know if I knew anything."

"Dunno, Monday, I think. They want me out of here as soon as possible." An idea hit her; she would be able to apparate once she was off school grounds! Then she could go anywhere. Harry shook his head.

"He's taking you there himself and putting up wards at the muggle hospital."

"Shit."

"You should be proud of Ron; he insisted that we spent the afternoon in the library looking for stuff about your illness."

"Find anything interesting?"

"Nothing ground-breaking. Though he can't really wrap his head around it."

"That's good; he's got a strong self-preservation instinct." She joked. Harry looked serious.

"You could have told us, 'mione. We could've helped." Ron said. She bit her lip.

"You didn't have to be alone." Harry added.

"I had Draco."

"Before that, now I know about it I can remember times when it was obvious, but we were too bone-headed to notice."

"And you had to go out with Draco to have someone to talk to." Ron supplied. She frowned. "He showed us, wanted us to see what it looked like before we saw you."

"As much as I don't like to admit it, you really should let him stay with you." Harry said. "He's on our side, after all." He smiled.

Author's Note: The penultimate (in normal terms, not Finn's "Super-ultimate" terms) chapter… The fenugreek thing was the only herb-y thing I could think of them using, although I'm not sure if it would actually cause weight-gain. Sorry if her mindset in the hospital wing was unrealistic… I can't remember much of my own time, so I was going in blind. I've gone back and edited the previous chapters for typos, too much clothing description and other factors of my idiocy, if you see any other mistakes, tell me.


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